So Human
by Rasha013
Summary: Hinata was listening to the radio, "Why don't I wish Naruto a happy birthday in Jiraiya's show?" she asked herself. How does one seemingly innocent idea turn into something neither wanted to face now or ever? CRACK & PARODY - slight NaruSasu


**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Naruto series (or the characters) nor do I make any money from writing this story.

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**SUMMARY: **Hinata was listening to the radio, "Why don't I wish Naruto a happy birthday in Jiraiya's show?" she asked herself. How does one seemingly innocent idea turn into something neither wanted to face now or ever?

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**WARNING: **implied NaruSasu yaoi, a little bit of shonen-ai, hurt Hinata, my attempt at humour. - **_CRACK_**

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**PAIRING:** NaruSasu

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**AN:** Croatian radio station "radio Antena" pulled a joke on all its listeners. It was funny XD, it was about a wife finding out her husband is cheating on her through the birthday wish in one of the program. The plot of this fic is not my idea, I stole it from there, if you're wondering. The point of this AN, is that I want you to know that this fic is a parody. It fits with my other story, **_"The Only Time"_**, but it's not the **REAL **sequel, it's not. I can't hurt Hinata like that, even though I am not a great fan of her. It would be cruel. So if you want to understand this go and read The Only Time, but I guess this can stand on its own, but it has many holes in a plot.

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In the Konoha Radio Station, Tsunade and Jiraiya, the talk show hosts, babbled happily with their listeners and saying their 'Happy Birthday' wishes. Tsunade was smiling the whole time. Today seemed to be a good and a bright day. Jiraiya was joking and teasing his listeners, sometimes crossing the line. But no worries, Tsunade was there and she happily smacked him every time that happened.

"So Tsunade, what shall we do now...?" Jiraiya said in his seducing voice, wiggling his eyebrows and trying to look sexy. He leaned on his elbow and held the microphone to his mouth. Tsunade snorted at him. Jiraiya chuckled and mouthed 'love you too'. Tsunade rolled her eyes, but smiled when she was sure Jiraiya wasn't watching her.

"So people... what do you think about our wishes today?" She said in a happy voice. They were getting so many callers today. She wondered what was with that. Jiraiya was happy to make some extra cash so she didn't object since all the money will be spent of their drinking contests after all.

"I think we're doing well, don't you Tsunade?" Jiraiya asked and spun on his chair.

"Yeah... I do. I think this is the first time I agreed with him." Tsunade mumbled, but it was audible and their were on the air, so of course everybody heard.

"Ohh... you're hurting my feelings Tsunade..." Jiraiya faked his crying. He was about to sob again when he saw the greed dot blinking, indicating they're having a caller. "And we're having a caller..." He pushed the button to connect the person in their studio.

"Yes, Tsunade speaking, to whom am I speaking?" Tsunade asked in her talk show host voice. She was friendly and warm as ever.

"Um... h-hello..." A small female voice answered.

"Yes, we hear you. What's your name madam?" Jiraiya asked.

"I-I'm Hinata." The woman said.

"Good morning Hinata, I'm Jiraiya and my co-host is Tsunade. Who do you wish to say 'Happy Birthday'?" Jiraiya said. He had a pen in his hand to write down everything. There was no way he'd remember it all after the woman said her request.

"I-I would like to wish my h-husband Naruto a happy birthday." Hinata said, her voice was so quiet in contrast to Jiraiya and Tsunade's happy tones. "He's away on a business trip and I want to surprise him." She finished, Jiraiya wrote down everything he thought was important.

"Okay... mhm... yeah... and where is he now?" Tsunade asked.

"He's staying at the Otō Hotel, room 113." Hinata supplied them with the information.

"Okay, so he's on a business trip, staying at the Otō Hotel, in a room 113. Correct?" Jiraiya asked, revising the info. It happened before to get the wrong data so they called the wrong person, he wouldn't like to repeat that mistake again.

"That's correct." Hinata said, and Tsunade could picture her nodding her head and blushing feverously.

"Okay, people. So we have the plan and we're calling the Otō Hotel..." Jiraiya announced. He signalled to the people in the studio to call him that hotel. He waited until it rang a few time and a reception girl picked up the phone.

"Hello? You've reached Otō Hotel, how may I help you?" She said in an obviously fake politeness, she spoke like a machine and it was obvious to everyone she had said those words too many times already.

"Hello, I would like to speak to the room 113, please." Jiraiya said. They waited.

"Of course, please wait for a moment." The girl said and there was that annoying music you always hear when waiting. The line was picked up.

"Hello?" A male voice asked. The man sounded as if he was just awoken. Jiraiya grimaced, he knew how the man must be feeling. He hated to be awakened from his sleep too early.

"Hello, is this Mr Naruto?" Jiraiya asked in his neutral voice. He tried to be serious. He had a perfect joke in his head.

There was a soft moaning noise, and the man on the phone answered, "No, this isn't he." Jiraiya raised his eyebrows and looked at Tsunade, silently asking her whether they got the right room. Tsunade shrugged her shoulders and Jiraiya returned his attention to the phone conversation.

"Is this room 113?" Jiraiya asked.

"Yes..." The man answered, sounding pretty much annoyed. Jiraiya could imagine his eyes trying to glare him to dead.

"Is Mr Naruto there?" Jiraiya asked finally.

"Yes, he's asleep. Would you want me to wake him?" The man on the other side asked. Jiraiya felt the sarcasm dripping off of his words but he had no choice.

"Please, if you'd be so kind." Jiraiya said through his gritted teeth. He had never been so polite in his whole life. That damned kid better be important.

"Hn..." The man said, if you could call that speech, and there was some background noise and then something neither Jiraiya not Tsunade had not expected to hear; some smacking noises and soft murmur that had to be a conversation between someone followed by a "...hurry up.". The murmur wasn't loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Yeah?" Another male voice asked.

"Hello, is this Mr Naruto?" Jiraiya asked for the 2nd time that day.

"Yes, this is he. What do you need?" Naruto said, sounding a little irritated. Jiraiya rolled his eyes, those young men thinking they could do anything they wanted. Where was the respect for their elders?

"I'm Jiraiya, and I'm happy to finally talk to you." Jiraiya said happily.

"Oh god, you're kidding me right?" Naruto sounded amused but confused at the same time. Jiraiya didn't know why but he could have pictured the bright blue orbs glowing in childish amusement.

"No, this is really Jiraiya, and I'm calling you to wish you a happy birthday." Jiraiya said and signalled to Tsunade for her to start singing.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Naruto, happy birthday to you." Jiraiya and Tsunade sang and there was an audible laughter. Naruto laughed.

"This is great, thanks!" He said happily.

"No problem kid." Jiraiya said, "Have you ever got better birthday card?"

"No, no I didn't. Thanks..."

"So how are you going to spend your birthday?"

"Um, I don't know yet." Naruto mumbled, he sounded a bit uncomfortable.

"Are there going to be any wild parties?" Jiraiya wiggled his eyebrows. Tsunade snorted. Jiraiya gave her a look.

"No, no... I'm just chilling here... away from everything... the noise... and all that. You know?" Naruto said.

"Yeah, I completely understand you." Jiraiya said, "Well, it's good to hear you're having a great time without the wife around."

"Oh, there is no wife..." Naruto said playfully.

"W-what?" The female voice, that Jiraiya forgot was there, asked. His eyes widened as the realisation downed on him. He looked at Tsunade and saw she was in the same state of shook as he was. He saw Tsunade mouth 'No... he didn't!' but he shook his head yes and mouthed back 'Oh, he so did!'.

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They had a wile night, and they were exhausted. Not seeing each other for almost a month can do that to a couple. Naruto was lying on his stomach and snoring on his side of the bed, he was naked except for that little piece of sheet that covered his bum. He had his head buried in a pillow and a small trail of drool made its way from the corner of his lips.

On his left, slept Sasuke. He was sprawled over Naruto's lifeless form. His hips were pressed into Naruto's, meaning he was in the same state of nakedness as the blond. His head was on Naruto's shoulder, and there was a small smile on his lips. He had his arms wrapped around Naruto's middle while his legs rested between Naruto's spread legs.

It was a perfect morning until they were awoken by a phone.

They decided to ignore it, until Sasuke had had enough and decided to pick it up.

"Hello?" He said into the receiver rather rudely.

"Is Mr Naruto there?" A voice asked, and Sasuke thought for a moment. He turned around and saw the blond was still pretty much asleep. He snorted.

"Yes, he's asleep. Would you want me to wake him?" Sasuke asked "politely". He was so annoyed with whoever was dumb enough to interrupt his time with his lover.

"Please..." Sasuke snorted, the man was so obvious, "...if you're be so kind."

"Hn..." Sasuke put the phone down and shifted so he was on his Naruto again. He trailed his fingers up Naruto's legs, over his covered ass, to rest on his lower back. He liked that part of Naruto, he had such a beautiful back. Sasuke leaned into Naruto and brought his lips to Naruto's ear. He sucked on his earlobe and when Naruto groaned, Sasuke switched to nibbling on his neck.

Naruto stirred in his sleep and turned around. His clear blue eyes opened and Sasuke found himself lost in them. Naruto smiled softly and kissed Sasuke on the lips, Sasuke soon returned the kiss. Their lips connected, making wet noises. Their noses rubbed against each other. Naruto smiled into the kiss and brought his hands under the cover to touch Sasuke's naked body.

His hands slid over that white skin so beautifully. It felt normal, as if they were one. What was his was also Sasuke's and vice versa.

"Morning... Whadya need love?" Naruto asked softly.

"Hey... Someone on the phone's asking for you." Sasuke murmured and buried his head in the crock of Naruto's neck.

"Who?" Naruto asked and caressed Sasuke's sides. Sasuke's body fit with his so well.

"How would I know?" Sasuke snorted and continued purring in Naruto's embrace. Naruto chuckled and rolled them over so he was on top of Sasuke. Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"No, don't even think about it..." Naruto murmured in Sasuke's ear in the voice that sent shivers down Sasuke's spine.

"Hurry up..." Sasuke whined and Naruto picked up the receiver, putting it to his ear.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Hello, is this Mr Naruto?" Naruto nodded his head but then realised the person couldn't see him.

"Yes, this is he. What do you need?" Naruto asked quickly. He wanted this over so he could... _enjoy_ the rest of his day.

"I'm Jiraiya, and I'm happy to finally talk to you." Jiraiya said and Naruto smiled. Sasuke raised an eyebrow, and arched his hips. He rubbed himself against Naruto, who glared at him and placed a single hand on his chest.

'Don't...' Naruto mouthed to Sasuke, and then Sasuke stopped. He didn't like to be ignored. "Oh god, you're kidding me right?" Naruto laughed. It was supposed to be funny, but he highly doubted this was a good idea.

"No, this is really Jiraiya, and I'm calling you to wish you a happy birthday." Jiraiya sand and Naruto smiled again. Sasuke snorted under him and rolled his eyes. Naruto nuzzled Sasuke's head, silently asking him not to be jealous. He thought it was cute.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Naruto, happy birthday to you." Jiraiya and his co-host sang. Naruto was grinning like an idiot.

"This is great!" He exclaimed, "Thanks!"

"No problem kid. Have you ever got better birthday card?" Naruto smiled. It was a pleasant surprise.

"No, no I didn't. Thanks..." He replied.

"So how are you going to spend your birthday?" Jiraiya asked suddenly.

"Um..." Naruto started saying but stopped. He didn't know what to say. "Umm... I don't know yet." He finally said, he was uncomfortable, it was because people expected him to be with his wife, but he didn't want that. Would people judge him?

Yeah, probably.

"Are there going to be any wild parties?" Naruto almost blushed at that question.

"No, no..." He said a little bit too fast. "I'm just chilling here..." He said the first thing that came to his mind. "...away from everything..." He trailed off, "...the noise and all that. You know?" He chuckled at the end, trying to sound funny and not let the uncomfortable silence take over their conversation.

"Yeah, I completely understand you." The man said and Naruto almost snorted. One couldn't understand if not in that kind of a situation. Jiraiya was trying to be friendly and Naruto appreciated it. "Well, it's good to hear you're having a great time without the wife around." Naruto chuckled at that. Oh, how true it was...

Sasuke raised his eyebrow, he was silent long enough. He didn't like Naruto's attention on someone else when it should have been on him. He tried to snitch the receiver from Naruto but Naruto held it high. Sasuke smirked and urged him to say it...

"Oh... there is no wife..." Naruto said playfully.

"W-what?" Naruto's eyes widened. He froze, not expecting that. Another surprise came when Naruto realised it was Hinata's voice. Sasuke froze too.

"H-hello?" Naruto stuttered. Sasuke felt panic enter his body. What now? There was such a big mess in Naruto's mind, and the only thing that he was thinking was, 'Oh fuck...' What now?

"H-hello?" Hinata asked, her voice was shaky.

"Who is it?" It was stupid a stupid question, but Naruto was stupid like that. Maybe it wasn't Hinata... maybe it was just his imagination. He did prey it was.

"W-who d-do you think it is?" Hinata asked, she was on the edge of tears. She was hurt. She didn't know. She never suspected anything.

"Jesus Christ..." Tsunade and Jiraiya's voices were heard.

"H-Hinata?" Naruto stuttered again. He was so dead. He didn't know what to say now and Sasuke decided to stay silent.

"N-Naruto?!" Hinata cried out and Naruto knew he was caught.

"Um, I..." Naruto was gaping like a fish.

"N-Naruto! You pig! Who's there?" Hinata yelled in her small voice. She was usually so calm, but now Naruto was scared of her.

"H-Hinata... please..." Naruto tried to say, but she cut him off, throwing another set of insults.

"No..." Hinata started crying, "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, and..." She sobbed. "...and you're shagging some man!"

"Hinata... it's not what you think... I mean, h-how?" Naruto was confused, he was scared of what would Sasuke say, and he was scared of what would Hinata say. This wasn't happening!

"You pig! How dare you?! You disgusting pig! No! You're not a pig! You're trash!" Hinata yelled and before Naruto could say something else, she hung up.

"I... I mean... what... who's there?" He didn't know what to say, he looked at Sasuke, asking him what to do now. He shrugged, not knowing. They didn't know. Everything happened so unexpected. He was confused as hell!

"Yeah... yeah... Naruto... we're still here..." Tsunade said, trying to not to laugh. She felt bad for the young man. He was a pig, and he deserved it. But it was still funny.

"Yeah, Jiraiya speaking... we heard... unfortunately..." Jiraiya said. He was in the same state as Tsunade, it was funny listening to it. He highly doubted Naruto and Hinata thought the same.

"What's this? What kind of a sick joke is this?" Naruto said, he was angry, but most of all disappointed in himself. He felt guilty, he was humiliated and embarrassed. Sasuke saw the level of distress his lover was in, so he tried to pat calm him by touching his arms. It helped a little bit. Naruto sighed.

"No, we're sorry." Tsunade said, "The wife only wanted to wish you a happy birthday..." She trailed off.

"This isn't going to be on the air, is it?" Naruto asked, silently praying it wouldn't.

"We... um... we're..." Tsunade stuttered, "...we're already on the air."

"Yeah, tough luck kid." Jiraiya said.

"You're not helping..." Tsunade said.

"B-but I mean, how...? I have kids." Naruto said. He was so angry, what will his kids think? How to continue from this? "You know what?! Fuck you!" he hung up. He didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to hear Tsunade and Jiraiya anymore. He didn't want to be in this mess. How the hell did he manage to fall in so deep?

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**THE END!**


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